#me not posting angst for once
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
My less popular opinion (and what I believe to be implied by the art in Lost Days) is that rather than waking up in a fully grown body Jason didn’t actually complete his puberty until after his Lazarus pit dip while he was on his murder tour. Imagine you’re tied up in a basement in Berlin getting interrogated by a teenager and his voice is cracking the entire time and if you laugh he’s going to shoot you
#Late puberty Jason truthers rise#Egon calling up Talia like ‘did you send me a middle schooler what is this’. ‘He’s technically high school aged actually’#he would’ve been like 18 when he finally regained consciousness but the way he’s drawn could easily be mistaken for 15#I know people love the body dysmorphia angst of Jason waking up big but I offer you this: Jason wakes up looking basically the same to a#world that has moved on without him and is unrecognizable. His death/injuries stunted him he existed for years in a state of suspension#while the world passed him by. He was on pause while everyone kept moving on and he didn’t get unpaused until the Lazarus pit and he has#to scramble to catch up. He’s actually 18 but the last thing he remembers is being 15 and his body reflects this state#and then once his mind is finally back online puberty hits him like a truck. Just look at the difference between how Jason is drawn#immediately after his dip in the Lazarus pit vs the end of lost days when his training arc is over#It implies it could’ve been multiple years but in order to fit with the timeline of other comics I personally don’t think it#would’ve been that long. I think he just sprouted up like a weed#Jason Todd#dc#I think Jason is technically still growing by the time he’s red hood. In my personal mindscape he doesn’t reach his peak buffness/height#he’s like 21 and he’s 19 in utrh#Sorry for my 1538283th post about red hood lost days I’m obsessed with his little fucked up coming of age story#Red hood lost days
711 notes
·
View notes
Text
色彩 [Shikisai]
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itafushi#fushiita#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#yuuji#finally...some not angst.....#im worried out of my mind fr these two right abt now but we cope we cope :)#i woke up early n rushed to render this bc im leaving 2 catsit today n wont b able to spend every waking hour drawing like i have been#almost uploaded it without rendering megumi's ear and frgetting the sukuna scars so im sure ill find something i missed once i hit post smh#this pose fought me also >:( sighs why when i try to do not angst they do not want to cooperate . do they prefer being hurt#anyway !!!#i dont think any1 Listens when ppl put song links in the caption but if anyone is curious ! colours/shikisai galileo galilei#SO themcore im unwell i say that a lot but i mean it every time#speaking of colours i Love how these turned out but they ended up being a lot more cohesive than i intended GKHSDFK#wanted to have yuuji in warm and megumi in cold but that appears to have blended everywhere but their uniforms Oops#sighs these 2 and their sun/moon imagery r my cause of death. i die thinking abt it#resisted the urge 2 have a lmhs caption but let it b known. i amn Thinking it.#anyway i say ill b away from my drawing tablet but i fully plan 2 uber home one of the days so i can draw#i cant b slacking now the itfs reunion is nigh and i feel nauseous abt it i need to channel the nervous energy#have sketches.......just in case....but we dont Talk abt just in case >:(#itfs nation hold strong <3
977 notes
·
View notes
Text
my favorite headcanon ever is tomioka somehow becoming an older brother figure to the children in the demon corps
like here’s this pitiful ultra quiet wet dog looking guy whose trudging around the world like it hates him. and. and then there are like eight kids half his size wilingly trailing behind him like baby ducklings in a pond, staring up at him with wide sparkling eyes
idk theres just something so special to me about older parental/brother figure x the children he unwillingly adopts trope UGHBDNAKNS
#me not posting angst for once? whattt??#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kny#giyuu tomioka#genya shinazugawa#tanjiro kamado#nezuko kamado#kamado siblings#inosuke hashiriba#zenitsu agatsuma#kamaboko squad#aoi kanzaki#kanao tsuyuri#muichiro tokito#older brother figure#character tropes#headcanon
629 notes
·
View notes
Text
It was the weight of guilt that sent Icarus crashing down a second time; he wondered if he was always destined to be punished for loving something brighter than himself, even in death.
#mhmmmmmm ANGST#this was an overly ambitious piece…but in the spirit of icarus at least i tried B)#words are mine haha B)#inspired by all the juicy depressing tidbits we can glean from their dialogue#exhibit A: I always messed everything up…I just want to be useful to someone for once!#UM…BABY?!?!?#and don’t….dont even get me started on how mel and him run parallel to one another when it comes to feeling inadequate#like…she doesnt see how He sees her and vice versa..#god anyways ill save that for a whole crazy analysis post#hades 2#hades game#hades supergiant#hades fanart#melinoe hades#icarus hades#waxwitch
495 notes
·
View notes
Text
And so we return, as all things do, to Centaurworld.
[X] Should I draw Nowhere King Black Pearl? Vote now!
ALSO! White Pearl’s design is once again cosmicwhoreo’s
Actually I’m not leaving this in the tags. I loved doing those funky backgrounds, but it also means a diversity loss because he fucking speared her on bisexual beach DX
#black pearl cookie#captain caviar cookie#white pearl cookie#cookie run#blacaviar#don’t we love some good angst#I just want to say thank you to Sunny for putting up with me once again. I love you 🫶 You’re the best#I will also admit that drawing Caviar unlocked THAT part of my brain again#I’d have pulled the ‘it was all a dream’ stunt again but I already did that so…#yes I just reversed the scene I’m…yeah#my next big project is something I like to call ‘starting college’#I’m glad I got this out before that ✌️#long post
601 notes
·
View notes
Text
Welcome one and all to my version of the party's loopified designs, featuring my many broken bones and blood stains I especially put into Odile who I tackled second unlike the alphabetical order that I have presented here! I'll have in-depth discussions on each designs and matching practice portraits under the cut but before that-
Siffrin 'barely taller than a preteen' no middle name no last name Loop is still barely taller than a preteen but now that preteen can claim fire to their height!
Alphabetical order GO!
Bonnie, who I've been calling Bonfire (which if that ends up being their name I can imagine Bonnie calling them 'Fire' while they call Bonnie 'Face' to match), was the last of my designs because frankly I knew from the start what their design was going to take influence from and also knew I was going to draw fire :P They were based on bonfires (of course) and also specifically the Burning Man effigies just for a humanoid figure, plus being a chef cooker and a campfire and also a very heated expressive person.
Their flames are hot but not actual wood burning so the Favour Tree (and Mirabelle in the height chart) are not at risk of combusting, they're just incredibly bright-
Isabeau my first design, with influences from @basilpaste 's Lock (with a dressform body) and @nullapophenia 's original version of Husk (the faceless identityless sketch), I have combined them both to make a mannequin it/its loopified design that finally gets to be capital T Tall all for the low low price of being Changed against its will and suffering another bout of body dysphoria that it can't fix anymore :) :) :) When I was referencing mannequins I actually noticed how long their legs actually were let alone how they were perma-stuck in that Barbie-like highheel pose and thought why don't I just curse Isa with something he previously wanted :P
Something something Isabeau actively Changed not only his body but his personality to become someone he wouldn't be ashamed of, yada yada Loopsabeau is back to hating itself and has started to become a person it despises to match (also like a mannequin it's head and arms are technically painlessly removeable :P)
Third in order and third in design is Mirabelle, who technically is the only loopified design with technically hair and clothes, but the hair are the tangled roots of the Favour Tree and the clothes are like the carved hardstone statues of religious figures :P Initially my Idea for Mirabelle was to make her kinda like her statue, with the wonky expression of someone who made it without much mastery over details, not to pit anything against Mira, no, no. Thought about maybe abstract statue design but I couldn't find a version I liked but I did always imagine her statue being weathered in some way, there was a reason why I saved her for third I couldn't pick what I wanted. But then I remembered the broken Change God statues, thought about the 'blessing' that ended up being a curse, and then thought about overgrown weathering and gave her the roots.
I actually looked up Black hairstyles and mostly wondered what specific hair texture Mirabelle had (she wears it in a fro of course, but she has flyaways that aren't coils, but she described her own hair as kinky and :P) so that if I were to mimic hair with tree roots I can get an appropriate matching hairstyle (settled on megatwists). Hah, if Mira has 4C hair, considering how long her hair actually looks, if she to wear her hair in twists she might actually have elbow length hair :P
I spent 8 non-consecutive hours on Odile can you tell? Can you see my hands bleeding my wrist breaking my eyes drooping? Yeah so Odile was again, my second design and it took me a week to recover, and she's a combination of gem and mirror suit with all the little fragments floating around her the 'diamonds' that represent all her family members party plus the ones she originally had in sets of 2. I also put geodes where parts of her body have broken off (inspired by how when the King strikes she can't move, plus also being a glass canon) where when I was actually drawing those geodes that they kinda use the Change symbol?
Circle within a circle within a circle, regardless of how wiggly it is, and at the centre is a cluster of crystals. That was an accidental reference to Odile's mixed heritage but hoo boy what a connection! Her missing pieces are a combination of 'being too old for this' fragility and also 'i didn't want to render more mirrors sue me'
Anyway I am going to put my wrist in a cast and imagine loopified party members with their pre-wish counterparts :P
#bonnie#bonnie isat#isabeau#isabeau isat#mirabelle#mirabelle chevalier#mirabelle isat#odile#odile isat#loop#loop isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#fanart#i saw someone mention in the tags of my previous isat post talking about the mirabelle chevalier tag#as soon as my grubby little broken mitts grab hold of either a physical or digital copy of the isat artbook#which as has been said by insertdisc5 include the last names of the characters (at least the ones that remember them)#i will not only continue using chevalier but also everyone else's last names in tags#replacing... one of the other character tags#a lot of my thoughts on the designs have been already said#but me and the same isat friends have some thoughts on how the loopified versions interact with their old selves#mirabelle is the nicest but may snap every so often in a 'arent you tired of being kind dont you want to go apeshit' kinda way#isabeau is a bitter jealous asshole who's regressed to being unkind thanks to not having the body it worked so hard to make once#odile is a little cold when talking to herself since pleasantries take too much time plus her 'i will do awful things [for da fam]' ways#and bonnie is bonnie so they're angry and pissed and sad they won't see their nille again but also they and bonnie are friends in the loop#speaking as someone who at bonnie's age didn't really have friends um whether or not i'm projecting i think fire and face can be besties#please enjoy these designs my kitten scratched me so hard i needed a bandaid for the price of angst and i think that's fitting#do i have an attached au to these designs? no. do i want one? maybe maybe i guess there's only so many ways to have an [x] loops au
117 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need to you guys to stay with me and imagine Adrien Agreste experimenting with what to wear after he quits modeling but being hopelessly lost on where to start so, after much consideration, he gets the brilliant idea to mimic his friends clothing aesthetics.
So naturally one week he’s wearing a backwards cap and baggy jeans in an attempt to mimic Nino who is ecstatic and another he’s wearing a lot of flannel which makes Alya roll her eyes and another him and Marinette are practically twins much to his delight until she gently tells him he only likes it because they are matching and he should probably keep looking until he finds something that is his own.
But instead he just keeps on mimicking classmate after classmate until he runs through them all and he starts talking to Kagami who’s figuring things out herself and doesn’t provide much to go off of and he settles on wearing suits until someone mistakes him for Felix.
So then he decides to move on from people and starts to look on Pinterest at Marinette’s suggestion and he copies the outfits down to a science but why does everything STILL feel not right? He decides it’s the website so he moves on and copies what he sees in magazines and in ads and it feels a little better but he also feels a little sick when he does it and why isn’t anything right and he’s twisting the ring on his finger so much it’s leaving a mark and hes pacing around the mansion and it has so many portraits and his dad is in all of them and why is he suddenly getting the feeling nothing he puts on will ever be right and why in the world does this stupid ring feel so heavy.
And so after a month of experimenting, he gets up in the morning one day and decides to try on the outfit he always used to wear and attempts to do his grown out hair the old way and looks in the mirror and stares at himself for a while. He slips on his sneakers and then the door rings and he heads downstairs to meet Marinette for school. As they’re walking he is still trying to decipher what he feels and he suddenly realizes that his dad would like this outfit a lot. He smiles to himself and tells Marinette and she smiles weakly and says she supposes he would and then avoids his eyes.
Adrien feels that familiar twist in his stomach that tells him something isn’t right, but when he tries to reflect on why that would be he’s only met with the same fuzzy memories of his father that he can’t quite sort out. He wonders if that’s where the unease comes from but then he shakes his head because those memories must be good because his father died a hero.
And so he wears the same outfit he always wore, ignoring the fact it feels a little too tight on him and that it makes his new ring feel heavier than ever.
#I guess I accidentally wrote a mini fic for what was supposed to be a head canon but SUE ME#YES THIS IS ME TRYING TO JUSTIFY ADRIEN WEARING HIS FUCKASS OUTFIT IN SEASON 6#BUT ALSO#THINK ABOUT IT#ADRIEN BREAKING FREE OF HIS FATHERS CONTROL RING WISE#BUT ONCE AGAIN FALLING INTO IT DUE TO THE UNIVERSE ITSELF MANIPULATING HIM BC ITS ONE MADE BY HIS FATHER#(see my ml Truman show theory in case ur curious as to what I mean lol)#this post can be interpreted many ways tho bc outside of fantastical elements#I feel as though children who finally break free from the control of their abusive parents still battle with some need to appease them#for a while#so Adrien might grow out his hair a bit but not change his outfit out of…guilt?#idk I’m writing this at 1 am I’m a mess#I’ll be more coherent in the morning#miraculous ladybug#mlb#ml#adrien agreste#ml headcanons#ml theory#ml season 6#mine#ml Truman show theory#ml angst#ml Adrien angst
96 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shit last night I came across that one Jonathan post that starts with “you are 16 years old” and I went through the tags and saw someone say that Jonathan’s only comfort was music while Will had him and it got me thinking: what if Chester was Jonathan’s only comfort?
What if when all the times his parents fought, he sat with the little puppy and sobbed, trying to block out the noise in his room? What if when he did find Joy Division and all the bands he loves, he pet Chester for comfort while the screaming and yelling were drowned out? What if when after he shot the rabbit on his tenth birthday he had Chester with him the entire time he cried? What if when the first time Will experienced the length of Lonnie’s abuse, Jonathan brought their pal Chester in?
What if when Chester died, he once again cried for week but silently for he knows he has to be strong for his mom and Will cause who else will?
#ITS 10 AM WHY AM I BRINGING THIS 3 AM THOUGHT BACK?!!??#remind me once I get home from work to find that post again and I’ll reblog the reblog I’m talking about here#anyways here’s your monrning angst from me#i am sorry for this ngl it’s too early for angst#reminder: Chester is the dog the byers had in s1#rest in piece sweet boy you will be missed#and you are missed#stranger things#jonathan byers
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
me and like two other sukuna stans making posts about how miserable he is
#I'd say tragic but I wouldn't go that far... YET#even tho he's already a deeply sad character to me#its almost... all I talk abt here lol#he seems kinda depressed to me idk#you cant really see it when he fights someone but the thing is he's only happy and excited WHEN he fights someone#any other time he's bOred#hes looking for pleasure and fighting gives him that pleasure but its all surface lvl cause once there's no one left to challenge#he's left feeling not only bored but empty...#you can even even see it after he kills jogo#his face is devoid of any emotions and his gaze seems soooo....... empty#only after uraume arrives we can see for the first time a genuine joy on his face#its that connection w another person sukuna not only lacks but actively rejects claiming he doesn't need one#but yet here he is being genuinely happy after seeing uraume#this man is not only contradictory but also in deep DEEP denial#ryomen sukuna#god this got longer than I expected lol#anyway#it’s sukuna angst hrs#I ALWAYS reblog an angsty suku post whenever I find one
70 notes
·
View notes
Text
LOST WITHOUT YOU ☆
INFO: 2812 words, Alhaitham x gn!reader, a little mildly suggestive content (16+) SYNOPSIS: after focusing your whole life on studies and beating Alhaitham, you find that you've lost yourself, and you don't know how to put yourself back together. AUTHOR'S NOTE: this is so rushed and bad but the ideas just kept flowing out and suddenly I wrote a whole short story 😓 (unedited pls lmk if u find errors! likes and reblogs also very much appreciated!!!)
It was never a competition – not to him, at least.
Him, with his cold, unwavering demeanour and even colder, unshakable gaze.
It never was a competition, but to you, everything was. You hated it all. You hated his expression, permanently arranged in disdain, and his withering glare. That look that he always gave you, always the same, blank stare.
Above all, you loathed his overwhelming sense of self importance. He carried himself with such an air that you felt absolutely unremarkable next to him, and in your drunken wishes, you yearned for him to be put in his place.
Wishful drinking, you called it, and such was suited to a night like this. The night before receiving the results for your final exams, the only one that really mattered in your seemingly futile quest to outshine Alhaitham.
Your roommates were fully aware of your infatuation, though you wouldn’t call it that. They teased you for locking yourself up in your room while they went out socialising and bar streaking, most often returning with the reek of alcohol staining their clothes, passing out on the couch.
They thought you weren’t a drinker, too, but truthfully, you only saved drinking for important occasions, and this seemed like an occasion important enough. With a flair for dramatic, you had claimed yet another bottle of cheap wine off the kitchen counter before retreating to your room, several glances of concern and curiosity following you down the hallway. Seated on the miniature balcony, you twisted open the cap on the bottle, wincing at the wine’s harsh bitterness as time slipped by, minutes blurring into hours with hushed murmurs outside your door.
They cared, they really did. But you couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge them, not with your thoughts too occupied with outdoing Alhaitham to amount to anything substantial. Your roommates already thought you were a studying fanatic – those looks of concern weren’t a first time occurrence as you trudged up the stairs with the wine in tow. You didn’t care enough to correct or reassure them – though were they wrong?
You hardly left the house enough, if it weren’t for classes and your job, you’d be a hermit. It felt suffocating, sometimes, the life you’d given yourself. Though ahead in all other aspects, you couldn’t help but feel like you were falling behind. Everyone was falling in love, while you fell behind, caught in the grinding cycle of academics and validation.
Melancholic and dramatic, you were, when you were drunk. Though others may be hopeless romantics.
“[name]? Someone’s here to see you.” Your roommate knocks on your door.
You don’t glance over your shoulder as the knocking becomes more insistent. “No thanks.”
“May I come in?” A familiar voice echoes from down the hallway. Your hand freezes halfway to the bottle.
The door creaks open, and you turn around, slowly standing up and steadying yourself on the railing. Alhaitham stands in the doorframe, only his silhouette visible through the light pouring in through the hallway.
You’re suddenly far too aware of your pyjama pants and well worn hoodie, folding your arms across yourself. “Why are you here?”
He stands there for a while, completely still. Then he sighs. “I don’t know.” Stepping across the threshold, he starts to close the door behind him.
“I didn’t say you could come in,”
“Sorry.” He says. After a brief silence, he leaves.
You stand there, confused, with unspoken questions hanging in the air.
Then, the door opens again.
You’d never seen him so unsteady before, gaze darting around the room and a flush high on his cheeks. His Emerald eyes are bright as he steps into the dim light of your room. “I have to come in.”
You frown at him in confusion. “Why are you here?”
The moment doesn’t seem real as he crosses the room, joining you on the balcony. Quiet lingers around the two of you as you give up asking for his motive and simply reassume your position at the railing. Maybe you’re too tired or burnt out to care, but as he hesitantly joins you, casting you indiscreet side glances, you offer him the bottle.
A show of camaraderie, perhaps.
He shakes his head, and you take a swig from the bottle, yourself, before setting it back on the low, rusty coffee table.
He fidgets with his hands, turning the ring on his index finger over and over. It clicks with the ring on his other finger, occasionally, resonating an irritating ticking noise.
“Can you stop? What do you want?” You finally outburst, startling him. Alhaitham faces you now, entirely focused on you. But his usual look of casual disdain is gone, and you’re not sure you recognise the man staring at you.
His features bathed in moonlight, his gaze looks softer than it ever had before. The soft breeze brushes his hair across his forehead, and you can’t help but wonder how soft they’d feel to your touch.
“I want you,”
Before you can fully register his reply, he draws you in, one hand reaching around your waist, another reaching softly into your hair, and kisses you.
You fail to register anything at all – all other sensation is irrelevant with the sheer feeling of the warmth of his lips on yours. It feels so wrong, but you can’t bring yourself to pull away.
It’s intoxicating. He tastes like wine.
He withdraws, expression blank again.
“What?” You utter, and abruptly, as if snapping out of a stance, he flees your room with such rapidity that you have to consider whether or not it was all a dream. As his footsteps echo down the hallway, you run a hand through your hair, tousled by his touch, snatch the bottle from its place and drink deeply.
–
The autumn chill drifts in the air. Other students dawdle about on the lawns, boisterous laughter echoing across the courtyard. Your class sits in solemn silence. You with your ringing head in your hands, and him with his back turned to everyone, focused on the lecture hall’s door.
When you woke that morning, the morning after that, you were insistent on believing that it was a dream. But the empty bottle lying on the balcony and the ring on the ground said otherwise.
You turn the metal ring over in your pocket, running a finger over the miniature inscriptions on the inside.
‘Empathy, the double-edged sword’
You’d been fretting over how to return the ring, avoiding the primary subject on your mind – overshadowed with the return of the test papers.
The minutes tick by in anxious silence until the door bursts open with a professor whose arms are filled with papers.
If it weren’t for the pounding hangover, you’d be laughing at the anticlimactic atmosphere. The professor grumbles under his breath as he hands out the exam papers and results, not offering a general comment on the class’ results.
He reaches Alhaitham, and gives him the pleased look he always gives him. The class launches into whispers of speculation.
The professor’s walk down the aisles of chairs seems like it takes forever, and you have half a mind to snatch the stack of papers out of his hands and wildly search for yours.
Until he stops in front of you.
A slight smile as he hands the paper to you.
“Well done.”
A perfect score.
Over your shoulder, someone announces it to the entire class.
Alhaitham meets your eyes with a soft smile and a nod. A ninety nine is hastily scrawled onto the front page with red ink.
Relief; Your heart and head feel light, but your stomach is filled with butterflies. It should feel liberating, but you’re unsure what – how – to feel. The past few years had led up to this moment, but it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like you thought it would, like the victory you’d hoped it would’ve been.
As quick as it was, your relief is gone, quickly replaced by a sinking feeling of foreboding as you walk out of the classroom, congratulations falling on deaf ears.
–
It’s midnight, again, and you’re awake, tossing another empty bottle into the corner to join the others.
Your roommates were overjoyed for you, they cooked you a celebratory dinner, toasted to your success, and teased you about going clubbing with them that night. Yet you turned them down like you always did, because nothing felt right anymore.
That gaping hole in your heart, previously haphazardly filled with academics, now felt like a great, yawning chasm with no bottom in sight.
Your entire purpose had been fulfilled, and you had a bright future with job offers lying in your emails, untouched, but it didn’t feel complete.
You realised that you lost yourself.
In trying to become better than someone else, you’d lost yourself, and you didn’t know how to find a way back.
“[name], we’re going out, are you sure you don’t want to join us?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
A slight pause. “Okay. Also, your friend from before is at the front door. Should I let him in?”
You vividly recall the intoxicating, wine stained taste of Alhaitham’s lips against your own, the sensation of his fingers tangling in your hair, and his hand bracing your waist on this very balcony. The ring sits in your pocket, the tiny scrap of metal heavier than ever – a burning weight.
“Sure. Send him up here.” You manage.
Melancholic and dramatic were a few of the things you were when you were drunk, but you were also known to have made horrifyingly bad decisions.
You hear your roommate walk down the hallway and down the stairs. You hear the front door open and close. You take the ring out of your pocket and start turning it over in your hands, pacing around your balcony all the while.
A knock on your door, and you snap to attention, waiting a while before weakly calling for him to enter.
The door slowly creaks open, and his silhouette fills the doorframe. He leans against it, seemingly unsure of whether or not to fully enter.
A long silence ensues.
“Are you here to take your ring back?” You start, holding it out.
“Oh. Yeah.” But he doesn’t cross the room. So you do. You walk toward the door, stepping into the light of the hallway as he steps back.
His cheeks are flushed, gaze darting and fleeting.
With more daring than you’d ever displayed, you grab his hand and slide the ring back on, marvelling at his fingers – long, slender, pale. Pretty. A scholar’s hands.
“Thanks.” He murmurs, looking up from your hands, meeting your eyes for the first time.
The soft look is back again.
“Congratulations, by the way.” He starts, removing his hands from yours. “Professor said we were going to share valedictorian.”
You nod, suddenly immensely uncomfortable. “Not surprised.”
He nods as well, seemingly sheepishly, muttering something under his breath that you don’t catch.
“What was that?”
“Kaveh said that if I don’t tell you tonight, he’d tell you himself.”
“Well tell him that I said thanks.”
He rubs his face with his hand, exasperated. “No, not congratulations,”
“Then what?”
He gives you a long look.
“Are you going to stare at me all night?”
“Archons, I don’t know what you do to me.” He takes your face in his hands and brings your lips to his.
It all feels so right. Alhaitham tastes just as intoxicating as he did the first time, only now, there’s a fervour behind his movements. The cherry wine on his lips is exhilaratingly rich. You could get drunk off his taste alone.
His hands boldly move down your body, leaving a trail of goosebumps on your skin – in return, your hands wander his torso, teasingly skimming the skin beneath his shirt. He shudders, pulling away, although the sheer intensity of his gaze tells you that he won’t be leaving you this time.
“Does that tell you what I'm here to tell you?”
“Might have to explain a little more,” You rasp, catching your breath.
Some sort of restraint within his self control snaps, and he pushes you into your room, locking your door behind you.
In light of what happened after that, you were tremendously grateful that your roommates had left to go clubbing.
–
Neither of you were sure what it was.
The morning after, he’d left before you woke up. Rather than feeling betrayed, you appreciated his absence, as it gave you time to gather your scattered, alcohol imbued thoughts.
It soon became a regular thing, where he’d stop by your shared house – that you’d never given him the address to (although he later explained that he got it from Kaveh) – to see you. It wasn’t always a hook up, sometimes he dropped by in the middle of the day if you were around, and made conversation.
The first few nights, however, were actively avoided. He would always hurriedly change the topic or avoid the question, averting your gaze. But it didn’t matter now – or so you thought – as he sat on your bed, watching you read.
A month ago, you’d have kicked him out without a second thought, but here you were, making idle conversation about something as ordinary as TV shows and work with him while you read.
It felt nice – right. It felt like you’d known each other for years when you were intent on resenting him for your entire college career. It felt so secure that you’d forget why you hated him.
“What’s on your mind?” He asked, flipping through one of the novels lying on the bedside table.
“You.”
Alhaitham rolls his eyes. “Of course I am.”
You hit him lightly with your book. “Pretentious little shit.”
“Wounded.” He deadpans, setting the book back down.
“Seriously though, I find it so weird that you’re sitting on my bed and making normal conversation with me when a year ago I’d have given you a black eye if you showed up to my house unannounced.”
He frowns. “Why?”
You level him with a blank stare. “Are you being sarcastic?”
He shakes his head, expression genuine.
“You’re not kidding?” You set aside your book, leaning in. “I hated you, you know that, right?”
“What?” His expression is one of genuine surprise as he takes in the apparently new information. “Since when? Why?”
“You have to be kidding me.” You laugh at the comical nature of it all. “You didn’t know?”
He stares at you, mouth half open in shock. “The whole time?”
You nod.
He lies down on your bed, still digesting the discovery. “I thought…”
“What did you think?”
“Your friends always just said that you didn’t socialise a lot, I thought you just didn’t know how to socialise or something,”
You sit and observe him in silence for a while.
“Sorry, I don’t know why I’m surprised” he runs a hand through his steel grey hair. “It was so obvious, now that I think about it. How could I have not realised?”
“Your turn. Tell me.” You suddenly say, lying down next to him. “What did you want to tell me the first night you visited me?”
He goes quiet. He’s quiet for so long that you have to check if he’s still awake. His gaze is pointed at your ceiling, the glow in the dark stars there.
“I’ve been somewhat in love with you for the longest time.” He finally admits, voice thick.
“You what?” You sit up, mouth agape. “What the fuck?”
“If you want me to leave, I’ll go.” He says, sitting up as well. “I figured I should tell you eventually, and that time is now.”
Quiet ensues, as it so often does when you’re around each other. Not an uncomfortable sort of quiet – the quiet that speaks louder than words.
You’d both been blind the whole time. You, for your infatuation with him – with beating him, with his person, with his attitude and, though you’d never admit it to him, his looks – and him, with his one sided love for you.
And though you’d both been too near-sighted to see the other person in their entirety, now your cracks are showing. The recesses in his facade of steel, and the fractures in your mask of indifference.
Two puzzle pieces. Pieces that could mould to each other, shaping and weathering with time.
So when he makes to leave, you grab his hand. A silent question. The tension eases from his shoulders, and Alhaitham pulls you off the bed, wrapping you in his arms.
The past few weeks with him have proven nothing but the possibility of loving him. That the hatred that you’d accumulated over months of blind infatuation masked the presence of something far more confronting.
You couldn’t recognise yourself in the mirror anymore. So much of you was missing. But maybe, the two of you could find yourselves in each other.
written by @delat1ne, published 27th of August 2023
#genshin#genshin impact#alhaitham#alhaitham x reader#alhaitham fanfic#alhaitham fics#genshin x reader#genshin angst#genshin imagines#alhaitham angst#alhaitham fluff#theres a tiny bit of fluff if you squint#melodramatic asf#college au#genshin college au#genshin modern au#academic rivals#academic rivals to something like lovers#open ending ish?#ive never actually written this much in one sitting this is a new record for me#i don't normally have the attention span to do this much at once cries#thank you to everyone who actually reads this absolute monster of a post#☁️. writing
320 notes
·
View notes
Text
every time I see the big black "songs about fucking" cover i remember jakey bought a "funny" t shirt with the cover photoshopped so the lady was holding a bad poker hand. and I asked him what the joke was and he said "she looks mad because her cards are bad" and he wasn't being wry or ironical, that's just what he thought "jokes" were about half the time. a joke is when a familiar thing is slightly different. this got him enough false positives on his guesses about what a joke was that it just reinforced his lack of comprehension about the concept of humor. he kept buying t shirts like this, about half of them were actual jokes and the rest were either so lame they weren't actually even funny in a shitty tshirt way, but merely confusing, or were not jokes at all and instead were just "hey remember thing you've seen before?" but not even in a novel context or anything. but he thought they were jokes, and would laugh at them
I'm never going to be able to move past this because it's impossible to receive any sort of explanation for something the person holding the misapprehension believes to be self evident and thus inexplicable
#blog#the tone of this post is so solemn lmao i promise i am not feeling angst about it#it just baffles me all over again every time im reminded of it#it is funny when someone is absolutely clueless but not when youre living with them it turns out#i remember explaining to him that usually when people chuckle politely in social situations they are not actually laughing with you#and he didnt get it#i also had to explain to him that other people were not “having fun” debating him about pointless disagreements#that normally people actually found loud conflict stressful#and that arguing was different than bantering with your friends#his friends used to have to ban him from chatrooms and servers maybe not regularly but more than once or twice#really confusing
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
I like to think that after Ice died, Mav kept his shoes by the front door so that when he gets home after work and takes his shoes off it’s like Ice is still there in the house waiting for him to come home
#aaaaaaand post#I can imagine sombody going over to Mavs house and being confused why there is a slightly larger pair of shoes sitting by the front door#and when they ask who’s shoes they are Mav has to explain that they were his husbands shoes#and that answers their question really fast#you can thank the song ‘think of me once in a while’ for this idea#why oh why do I hurt myself like this#I guess it’s just an angst kind of night#top gun#top gun 1986#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#angst#I made myself sad
74 notes
·
View notes
Note
I feel like that stanley had suffered through a lot...
No big deal !
Narrator’s arrival to the human world was a bit delayed. Just enough time for Stanley to start his new life, get a job and apartment, make friends, give up searching for his Narrator and convince himself that The Parable wasn’t real in the first place
And of course, it’s no big deal that he can’t talk to anyone about this because they’ll think he’s insane. Just gotta bottle it all up, easier said than done
#ppl talking to stanley and narrator#tsp#the stanley parable#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#tspud#hopefully this angst is good?#I don’t really know how to properly write angst#only ideas#but that’s what this series is for! to help me get better at writing and comics#and for you guys to talk to these freaks#anyway absolutely stuffing Stanley (sex joke) with issues#we’ll MAYBE (probably) get into that once I flesh it out more#post parable au#.png#.exe
292 notes
·
View notes
Text
Not "Robin Jason was just an angry, violent, aggressive brat", not "Robin Jason was a perfect, innocent, complete sunshine child" but a secret third thing (Robin Jason was a child who'd suffered abuse and trauma his whole life and never got the proper tools to heal from it; he was happy and silly, and he got angry and could be difficult)
#my dc posting#dc#jason todd#jaybin#robin jason todd#no he wasnt a devil child and no he wasnt a perfect sunshine angel#im much more receptive to the latter bc at least its not demonizing a traumatized child#or victim blaming someone for getting murdered#but it still feels like a big disservice to who he is#and not to be projecting/relating to jason on main but-#my life hasn't been half as bad as his but when any complexity to jaybin is denied bc he Wasn't Bad Like That it feels. bad#my trauma&mental health issues did (and do) make me difficult. when i was 13 i was angry and had a hair-trigger temper#interpreted everything in bad faith etc etc. i was difficult and a lot of work and i was suffering and deserved love and help#(which i've thankfully gotten. love my mom for always being there for me even when i WAS a nightmare)#anyway. i dont like a jaybin who was nothing but angst and rage and behavioral issues. hate it in-fact#i also dont like a jaybin w no issues n no trauma n no poor coping mechanisms and troubles#you gotta get a healthy mix. its the only way forward#once again... the answer to everything is ''people are complex and you gotta think abt things more than surface-level''
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
fic rec friday 59
hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.
Lance Denies The Feels by @bleusarcellewrites
“Hey, knock it dead, Sharpshooter.” Keith winks and Lance’s weak. ‘Thanks, I’ll be right back.’ He tries to say, to excuse himself calm and collected so he would exit the training room and go to a corner on a room with no boys with hot mullets, so he can maybe, just maybe, come to terms with the sudden events like a normal person. “You fight good!” Lance shouts instead. [In which Lance isn't aware that he has a crush and the realization hits him hard enough to screams his bi feelings out. On an empty room. Which turns out not to be emtpty. It works out for him in the ends, thanks to a Mulan reference.]
big big fan of fics where lance is so obviously crushing on keith that its just embarrassing for everyone around him. and keiths fond and quiet indulgence fucking -- well. truly gets me every time. also love the clowning he gets from the team lmao
2. See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil by galaxymilk
Lance becomes the vessel for a high-tech Galra weapon that will detonate at the mere mention of its existence. The clock is ticking, Lance, you better think fast.
i read this when i was the tender tender age of fourteen and let me tell you it FUCKED ME UP!!!!!!!!! imagine carrying a bomb in your body that might kill your friends. but if you tell anyone it detonates. that fear? that terror? it is REEKING off the fucking screen. you will read this fic breathless. your heart will make home in your throat. your muscles will cramp in their tenseness. also it features lance bragging about keith to random strangers in the beginning lol
3. When Did This Happen? by memoriesofrain
What do you mean they're together? I thought they were just really close! OR No one knew Hunk and Lance were together and Lance is homesick.
some hance!! yall know i love me some secret relationship. and i love it so much more when its not actually secret relationship and is instead 'yah weve been openly dating this whole time yall are just too dumb to notice' like that one makes me giggle
4. Space Is Cold by corvus (borrowedphrases)
Lance is a pain in the butt, but Hunk loves him and worries about him anyway.
was in my hance era when i was making these bookmarks apparently. and u know what? i was correct. hance is cute as shit. also, 2016 fics will always hold the most specialest of places in my heart. each one of them ate truly. this one is so cute and intimate.
5. Snapshots and Other Bonding Moments by @shyfoxes
Hunk and Lance are constants in each other's lives, and that will never change. Four moments between Lance & Hunk and One moment spent with Team Voltron.
four plus ones!! my beloved!!! small moments of regular life love!!! my beloved!!! 2016 fics!!! my beloved!!! god some of the tags on this thing...nostalgia. anyways. i loved this fic because i have always loved fics diving into the characters' lives prekerb, u know? i want Backstory. also the lilo and stitch references were cute. if youre not a fan of hance, this is pre relationship so can def be read as platonic!! such a cute fic fr
that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!
#look at me posting at a decent hour#and about the wip wednesday fic -- im getting there i stg i just got slammed w assignments and work at once 🤡🤡 i gotta write TWO SCRIPTS#anyways#vld#voltron#lance#lance mcclain#keith#keith kogane#klance#pre klance#pining lance#whipped keith#langst#hunk#hunk garrett#hunk & lance#hance#fluff#angst#secret relationship#fic rec#FRF#fic rec friday#longpost
80 notes
·
View notes